Just an update

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Sorry it's been so long since I posted. I haven't been able to write much lately.

So, an update on my life I guess. I'm in California!!! :D I love it here!!! I miss Kansas, but CA is awesome.

An Ode to 3OH!3

Okay, I wrote this one at like, 3 in the morning. I was half asleep and kind of loopy. Enjoy it.

You say I'm Starstrukk
But it's deeper than that
You gave me an Electroshock
You got me all HOTT
Don't tell me you Don't Dance
I won't buy into that
Say'dem Up and take me home
I can hide in your Dragon Backpack
All I want is one Tapp
So come on baby, Dance With Me
You know I Can't Do It Alone
I can wear a halo
But I prefer my HORNZ
I wanna be your Punkbitch
So put me in a Chokechain
We can make it a game
Just like D&D, I like to roleplay
I can keep you up
Past that Colorado Sunrise
I can make you Photofinnish
And a Richman like you can
Make me Holler Til I Pass Out
Then later if you're Still Around
You can find me again
Under codname: Neatfreak47
Just when I thought that you'd give in
You shrugged and simply said
"I'm Not Coming to Your Party, Girl."

Addiction

This one is a 'morning after' poem...rather than pill. A particularly good night I might say...grade 11, age 17

An addiction
Like no other
You give me that drug
Night after night
Time after time
You feed into
My sweet addiction
I can't give you enough
Over and over
Day after day
We give in
To our unspoken addiction

Bliss

Like I said, my inspiration comes from everything. This one actually came from looking at a condensation covered water bottle. Written: grade 11, age 16

Dancing in the rain
At midnight
Twirling in circles
As droplets fall all around
An unexpected crash of thunder
Emulates  off the walls of 
My unknown surroundings
A seeming chaos of my mind
Sudden silence
I am diving
Into a deep pool
Of clear, crisp water
refreshing and cleansing of fears
Soft ripples glide
Over my skin
No need for breath
A sudden realization
I am awake
No longer is my mind troubled
You are still there
Softly sleeping by my side
I smile to myself
And fall back into dreams
Of enigmatic bliss

Crime

This was a piece that Mr. Fouquet had us write for an assignment. We had a number of options of what to do, based on this one subject. I am pretty proud of this one considering how difficult is for me to write on command.

Madness in their minds
Causing so much damage
We shrugged off the signs
Now they roam the streets
Hiding guns, drugs and truth
Nothing stops them from committing a repeat
Gang fights killing innocents
Young girls kidnapped and raped
No one could repent
What is there to do?
Crime will be the end of us
Nothing is done to renew
The world that we once knew...

Defiance

This one was written in 11th grade when I was 17 and driving my car out to the park. It was a particularly beautiful day, and the breeze was driving me nuts. :3

Wind whipping
Through my untamed hair
Defying law
As well as science
My knuckles are white
Gripping the steering wheel
Testing the limits of Indigo
You sit beside me
Hand on my thigh
Adrenaline pulsing
Between you and I
The air tickles my neck
Sending shivers
Throughout my body
A new thrill
Pulses through
Eyes so determined
To reach the unknown
To ravish you
And bind our souls

Change

I wrote this one towards the middle of my junior year while I was thinking about how different things were from the previous year. I think I was 16.

Things are changing
Everywhere I turn
Nothing is the same
This new transition begins to burn
Everything that once was
Is no longer tame
Chasing memories
An impossible feat
Trying to bring back
All the things I was
Things are changing
Everywhere I turn
Nothing is the same

Nothing New

I wrote this one in 10th grade when I found out that my great grandpa died.

Death is nothing new
But even so...
The pain is as intense as the last
Tears overcome me
As the truth sets in
Violent sobs break
The overwhelming silence
A hole is made in my chest
Emptiness sets in
The weather seems fit
For an occasion as such
The steady pitter-patter
Of raindrops on the roof
Calming my emotions
My sobs
My tears
Until finally sleep
Falls over me
Death greets us
In such a way
That it is not unexpected
But abrupt all the same
It comes and it goes
Hurting so many
As it takes
Those close to our hearts
Death is nothing new
But even so...
The pain is as intense as the last

It's Real

I wrote this in 11th grade, age 17. This one was a little bit deeper than the other poems about Nathan. I was remembering some nightmarish events from my past. 


Mascara runs down my cheeks
Blending in with tears
My heart not finding what it seeks
I've been exposed to all my fears
But none are worse than this I face
For I go numb when the heart breaks
Now I am just taking up space
This world is full of stupid fakes
My eyes burn from all of my crying
Bloodshot and red, needing rest
After him, I felt like dying
But then I met you...you were the best
You treat me right and make me feel
All there is in love
And this time, it's real


[6 Editor's Choice Awards winner from poetry.com]

Him

This one, like almost all the others, is about Nathan. I think I wrote it because he had been especially great...written: grade 10, age 16


So many feelings
Come up from deep inside
Everytime
I hear his voice
See his face
He's my life
My dreams
Everything that was missing
In my life
He's everything to me
I could not live without him
In my life
Every smile that graces his lips
Makes my heart
Skip a beat
All the things he says
Brightens my day
I need him
I swear I do
He's my life
My dreams
Everything that was missing
In my life

I'm Okay

Oh this one has quite a story! So much stupid teenage drama. My best friend got caught up in this horrible, evil girl...she had him wrapped around her finger and turned him against me...after all the tears of anguish came the anger and these words. Written: grade 10, age 15


You seem to think I care
About the childish words you say
But honestly
I'm okay

You think you're big shit
Because you think you hurt me
But honestly
I'm okay
I don't really know
What exactly your problem is
But honestly
I'm okay
You're childish
Insulting me endlessly
But honestly
I'm okay
As if I never cared for you
You try and trash my reputation
But honestly
I'm okay
Stupid plans of sabotage
Are blowing up in your face
And honestly
I'm okay
Reading those hurtful words
I was enraged
But honestly
I'm okay
I'm so much happier now
Life goes on
And honestly
I'm okay
You made a stupid decision
I hope you're fine with it
So honestly
Are you okay?

My World

Yay! We finally moved on to non-mushy angsty writing! I'm not sure where the inspiration for this one came from...but for some reason when I read it, I picture being in Econ 1 and an old friend sitting next to me. I think I was mad at my boyfriend and pissy because I was stuck in school.


The color of sadness
Painting my world black
No control over who I am
My world completely stopped
I might as well be damned
Everything I was
You took away from me
My happiness
My heart
You ripped it from my chest
I feel nothing for you
Or anyone else
I am numb...

Me

Written in 7th grade during Mrs. Stewart's poetry lessons.

Love me
Need me
Want me
See me
Hold me
Kiss me
Take me
Leave me

Why Is It?

Okay, so this one was written for a different love interest in 9th grade. I had a falling out with Nathan...so this one is about a guy whom I now I consider to be a very good and old friend.

Why is it
That when I tell you I love you
You barely respond?
Why is it
That you don't seem true
And I feel like a pawn?
Why is it
That I feel so dumb
So secluded from you?
Why is it
That you never return my calls
And tell me you just forgot?
Why is it
That I don't see
You're  hurting me
I hate the way you make me feel
Why can't I just let you go?
You're killing me from the inside out
So God- please help me move on...

Walk With Me

I wrote this one in 8th grade (it seems to have been my year, huh?). My inspiration came from a swell of feelings towards Nathan (once again). This whole situation is really confusing...so you basically need to be me to understand it all.

Walk with me on the beach
Leave our footprints in the sand
Reach over slowly
And take me by the hand
Lead me down a path
To absolutely nowhere
Chase me through a field
Kiss me if you dare
Take me to a mountain
Show me all the sights
Stay with me forever
Through all of every night

Acts of Love

Written in 7th grade when I first got involved with Nathan, it seems like a lot of grown up feelings to be written by a 12 year old me.

Kiss me one last time
Before you go away
Call me your sweet baby
I haven't heard it yet today
Tell me you love me
And hold me to your chest
Because you know you'll always
Hear that you're the best

Hot with passion
Cold with fear
Don't you dare worry
For I will always be here


I love you and need you
Forever and ever more
I'll love you always
Right down to the core




[Editor's Choice Award winner from poetry.com]

Signs

I wrote "Signs" in 8th grade- again 13 years old. My inspiration came from meeting a new boy...I just so happen to be dating this boy (and now living with him).

Signs
As I lay here wide awake
You are on my mind
A new light around you
Makes me feel so blind
How could I have missed
What's been here all the time
Now I think I love you
Maybe it's a sign...

Emotional

I wrote "Emotional" in 8th grade (13 years old). My inspiration came from my confusion with boys. I kept thinking, "I thought boys were supposed to be simple minded and not so crazy..." And from that....


You toy with my emotions
You play games with my heart
Do you really love me?
Or is this just a joke?
Please don't break my heart
I don't think I could take it
It's just too much for me to handle
So please
Don't make me cry